Helping Your Child Cope With Bullying Through Therapy
Author: Dr. Mary Perleoni, Ph.D., LMHC
Published October 7, 2025
Last Tuesday, a mother sat in my office and said something I unfortunately hear far too often: "I knew something was wrong, but I kept telling myself it would blow over." Her daughter had been eating lunch in the bathroom for three months. Three months of pretending everything was fine while scrolling through group chats she wasn't included in anymore.
That's the thing about bullying now—it doesn't always announce itself. There's no black eye to point to, no clear villain. Just a kid who suddenly hates Monday mornings and won't tell you why.
The Invisible Bruises
Bullying used to leave visible marks. When I started this work over a decade ago, parents knew what to look for. But now? Your kid can be getting torn apart in group chats all afternoon and still walk through the door asking if their friend can sleep over this weekend.
I had a client last year—a very bright kid, played travel soccer, in the IB program—who suddenly stopped going to practice. When his parents finally got the full story, two teammates had been sending him Snapchats rating his "fails" during games. The coach never saw it. His parents didn't have a clue until he refused to get in the car one Saturday morning and finally broke down.
Social media hasn't just changed how bullying happens; it's changed how kids internalize it. When someone spreads a rumor in the hallway, it's awful. When that rumor lives in a screenshot that gets passed around for weeks? That's a different kind of stuck.
What I See in the Therapy Room
The patterns are remarkably consistent. A kid comes in—sometimes willingly, often dragged by worried parents—and they're carrying this weight they can't quite name. Maybe they're snapping at their little brother. Maybe they've stopped trying in math class because "what's the point?" Maybe they're having nightmares about school even though nothing "bad" is actively happening right now.
We'll spend the first session just talking. I don't push. I ask about their favorite games, what they're watching, who they eat lunch with. And then, maybe in session two or three, something cracks open. They'll mention, almost casually, that nobody talks to them at recess. Or that their ex-best friend started a rumor that won't die.
Here's what breaks my heart every time: these kids think it's their fault. A fifth-grader told me last month, "If I was more normal, they wouldn't do this." She wasn't "abnormal" in any way—she just liked reading more than TikTok dances, which apparently made her a target.
Bullying rewires how kids see themselves. The confident eight-year-old who used to volunteer answers becomes the anxious twelve-year-old who won't make eye contact. And the scariest part? They start believing the narrative: I'm too much. I'm too weird. I don't belong anywhere.
What Actually Helps
Therapy gives kids something crucial—a place where they can say the quiet parts out loud without judgment. I work with a lot of CBT because it's practical: we identify the thoughts bullying planted ("everyone thinks I'm a loser"), examine the evidence, and build new, more accurate stories ("three kids were mean to me, but that doesn't define who I am").
With younger kids, we use play therapy. A six-year-old might not have words for what's happening, but they can show me through the dollhouse or the sand tray. I've learned more from watching a child repeatedly knock down the same figurine than I could from an hour of direct questions.
Parent-Child Interaction Therapy is another tool I use frequently, especially when the bullying has strained the relationship at home. Sometimes parents, in their desperation to fix things, accidentally make the child feel more isolated. Teaching them to validate before problem-solving, to listen without immediately jumping to "here's what we'll do," shifts everything.
We also do a lot of work around anxiety. Kids who've been bullied often develop a hair-trigger stress response—stomach hurts before school, can't sleep Sunday nights, panic at the sound of a phone notification. Teaching them grounding techniques and ways to talk back to the anxious thoughts helps them reclaim some control.
The goal isn't just to help them survive until the bullying stops. It's to help them walk through the world knowing their worth isn't determined by how others treat them.
When Your Kid Is the Problem
I need to talk about the other side of this, because it happens more than parents want to believe. Sometimes the call I get is from a school counselor or another parent, and the child in question is yours.
That first conversation can be brutal. Most parents are genuinely blindsided. "My son isn't like that." "She's so sweet at home." And they're not lying—their kid probably is sweet at home. But something's going on.
In my experience, kids who bully are usually dealing with their own pain. Maybe they're anxious about their social standing and think putting others down protects them. Maybe they're modeling behavior they've seen. Maybe they're struggling with impulse control or emotional regulation and genuinely don't realize the impact of their actions.
The shame parents feel in these situations is overwhelming, but shame doesn't help anyone. What helps is getting curious: What's driving this behavior? What does my child need that they're not getting?
I've worked with kids who started as bullies and, with the right support, became the most empathetic kids in their grade. It's possible—but it requires parents willing to do the uncomfortable work alongside their child.
What Parents Can Do Right Now
The parents who do best are the ones who stay calm and curious, even when they're terrified inside. I know that's easier said than done, especially when your kid finally opens up and tells you something that makes your blood boil. But how you respond in that moment matters enormously.
Start with validation. Not solutions, not rage, not "I'll call that kid's mother right now"—just acknowledgment. "That sounds really painful. I'm glad you told me." Then let them talk. The goal is to keep the door open so they'll come back to you next time instead of shutting down.
When it comes to the school, document everything and approach it as a partnership, not a battle. Principals and teachers are often overwhelmed and may not see what's happening, but coming in with "you're not protecting my child" immediately puts them on the defensive. Try "I need your help understanding what's happening during recess" instead. Bring specifics—dates, incidents, witnesses if possible.
At home, pay attention to the digital landscape without being invasive. If your kid is suddenly avoiding their phone or obsessively checking it, that's a clue. Talk about what healthy online boundaries look like. And if you discover something concerning, address it calmly. Confiscating devices might stop the immediate problem, but it doesn't teach them how to navigate these situations in the future.
One last thing: model resilience. Kids watch how you handle conflict, disappointment, and unfair treatment. If you fall apart every time something goes wrong, they learn that's the appropriate response. If you can stay steady while still acknowledging that something is hard, they internalize that too.
Rebuilding Takes Time
Recovery from bullying isn't linear. Some days your kid will seem totally fine, and then something—a certain song, a social media post, even just driving past the school—will trigger all those feelings again. That's normal. Healing doesn't mean forgetting or never feeling hurt; it means integrating the experience without letting it define you.
In therapy at our St. Petersburg and Tampa offices, we work toward small, concrete goals. Maybe the first goal is just coming to school without crying. Then it's sitting in the cafeteria, even if they're alone. Then it's saying hi to one person. Eventually, the goal becomes less about surviving and more about thriving—joining a club, trying out for the play, making a new friend.
Watching that shift happen never gets old. When a kid who came in hunched and quiet starts cracking jokes in session, or when they casually mention they joined the art club, or when a parent texts me that their child asked to have a friend over for the first time in months—those are the moments that remind me why I do this work.
Final Thoughts from the Therapy Room
After all these years working with families across the Tampa Bay area, what strikes me most is how resilient kids actually are—when they have the right support. Bullying can be devastating, but it doesn't have to be permanent. With therapy, parental involvement, and sometimes school intervention, kids can not only recover but genuinely grow from these experiences.
If your child is struggling with bullying, you don't have to navigate this alone. At It Begins Within Healing Center, we specialize in helping kids and teens process these experiences and come out stronger on the other side. Whether it's through individual therapy, parent coaching, or family sessions, we'll create a plan that fits your child's specific needs.
Because here's what I want every parent to know: seeking help isn't a sign that your child is broken or that you've failed. It's a sign that you're paying attention, that you care, and that you're willing to do something about it. That's exactly what your child needs.
Need support for your child?
Learn more about our child therapy services or call (813) 538-0385 to schedule a consultation in Tampa, St. Petersburg, or Sarasota.
