The 3 Phases of Infidelity Therapy That Can Save Your Relationship
Author: Dr. Mary Perleoni, Ph.D., LMHC
Published August 7, 2025
When infidelity shakes a relationship, most couples are left wondering: What now? As Dr. Mary Perleoni, founder of IBW, explains, effective infidelity therapy isn’t a single conversation—it’s a structured journey through three essential phases. Each phase offers standalone value, clarity, and a path forward for both partners.
About the Author: Dr. Perleoni
The Phases of Infidelity Therapy
1. Get Clear on “The Story”
Why it matters: Healing can’t begin until both partners fully understand what happened.
“The first phase is really understanding the story. The betrayed partner usually has a lot of unanswered questions—what happened, when, how many times, was it emotional or physical? Until those questions are answered and both people agree on the facts, it’s nearly impossible to move forward. If there’s any lingering doubt, trust and healing get stuck at the starting line.”
— Dr. Mary Perleoni, LMHC
Takeaway:
If you’re starting infidelity therapy, insist on transparency. Both partners need to feel confident that nothing is being hidden.
2. Rebuild Trust with Daily Actions
Why it matters: Trust isn’t restored by words alone—it’s rebuilt through consistent, relationship-specific behaviors.
“The second phase is establishing trust, which looks different for every couple. Maybe you need your partner to come straight home after work, or check in at certain times. What matters is defining—together—what trust means for your unique relationship, and following through, every single day.”
— Dr. Mary Perleoni, LMHC
Takeaway:
Don’t assume what worked for another couple will work for you. Establish your own, concrete trust-building agreements—and revisit them often.
3. Unpack How You Got Here (Without Blame)
Why it matters: Understanding the “why” behind the infidelity is critical for real change—but it’s not about blaming the betrayed partner.
“The third phase is all about exploring how the relationship reached this point. Was there a disconnect, a lack of intimacy, or poor communication? We go back and identify what contributed to the breakdown—always with the understanding that this is not about blaming the person who was cheated on. It’s about understanding patterns so you can rebuild better.”
— Dr. Mary Perleoni, LMHC
Takeaway:
This is the “meat and potatoes” of couples work. The goal is insight, not blame—so both partners can grow and prevent future pain.
Key Takeaways: The 3 Phases at a Glance
Clarify the Story: No secrets, no confusion—just clear answers.
Establish Daily Trust: Set relationship-specific agreements and stick to them.
Understand the Roots: Explore what led to the infidelity, together, without blame.
Why These Steps Work
Couples who commit to all three phases (with honesty and open communication) see real results:
Higher success rates for rebuilding a healthy, happy relationship
Deeper understanding of each other’s needs and boundaries
A chance to redefine your relationship with new strength and clarity
“Once we get through these phases, couples are equipped to move forward—sometimes even stronger than before.”
— Dr. Mary Perleoni, LMHC
Infidelity Therapy FAQ with Dr. Mary Perleoni
How do you rebuild trust after infidelity?
Dr. Perleoni: Rebuilding trust is a daily process, not a single conversation. In therapy, we define exactly what trust looks like for your relationship—things like consistent check-ins, transparent communication, or clear boundaries about time apart. Then we create actionable steps so both partners can see and feel progress every day. Consistency is key: each follow-through becomes a brick in rebuilding the foundation.
What is emotional cheating and how is it different from physical cheating?
Dr. Perleoni: Emotional cheating happens when a partner forms a deep emotional connection outside the relationship that should be reserved for their partner—sharing intimate thoughts, relying on someone else for comfort, or investing emotionally in a way that shifts the balance of intimacy. Unlike physical cheating, which involves sexual contact, emotional cheating can feel just as hurtful because it erodes emotional safety and trust.
Why do people cheat in relationships?
Dr. Perleoni: The reasons are complex and often unique to the couple. Sometimes it’s tied to disconnection, lack of intimacy, or unresolved conflicts. Other times, it stems from personal struggles like low self-worth or unaddressed trauma. In therapy, we explore “how we got here” without blaming the betrayed partner—so we can identify the breakdowns and rebuild from a place of understanding.
Can a relationship be healthy again after cheating?
Dr. Perleoni: Yes—if both partners are committed to the process. I’ve worked with many couples who, after moving through the three phases of infidelity therapy (clarifying the story, rebuilding trust, and understanding the root causes), end up with stronger communication, deeper intimacy, and a renewed commitment. Healing is possible, but it requires honesty, patience, and consistency from both sides.
What counts as cheating in a relationship?
Dr. Perleoni: Cheating is anything that breaks the agreed-upon boundaries of your relationship. For some couples, that’s strictly physical intimacy with someone else. For others, it includes emotional connections, “micro-cheating” behaviors like flirtatious texting, or secret-keeping. Therapy helps couples define those boundaries clearly—so both partners know exactly what’s considered a breach of trust.
How do therapists help couples heal after infidelity?
Dr. Perleoni: A skilled therapist provides structure, safety, and guidance through all three phases of healing. We start by clarifying the facts so there’s no confusion about what happened. Then, we work on restoring trust through consistent, agreed-upon actions. Finally, we explore how the relationship reached this point, identifying changes that will help prevent future breakdowns. Having a neutral, trained professional in the room helps keep the process productive and focused.
What is betrayal trauma and how is it treated?
Dr. Perleoni: Betrayal trauma is the deep emotional wound caused when someone you depend on violates your trust—often through infidelity. Symptoms can include anxiety, intrusive thoughts, hypervigilance, and difficulty feeling safe in the relationship. Treatment involves creating a safe environment, validating the betrayed partner’s pain, rebuilding emotional and physical trust, and addressing the underlying patterns that led to the betrayal.
Is online couples therapy effective for infidelity?
Dr. Perleoni: Yes—when both partners are willing to fully engage, online therapy can be just as effective as in-person sessions. We still work through the same three phases, using secure video platforms for privacy. For many couples, the flexibility of virtual sessions means they can start sooner, attend more consistently, and apply what they learn between sessions without long gaps.
Ready to Begin Your Healing Journey?
Schedule a free consultation with Dr. Mary Perleoni or one of IBW’s experienced couples therapists in Tampa or St. Petersburg.
You don’t have to navigate this alone—real recovery starts with a single step.
