A Guide to Understanding The 7 Stages of Grief
Author: Andreas Balasis, LCSW
Reviewer: Dr. Mary Perleoni, LMHC ✓
Published April 6, 2026
Grief brings with it the type of exhaustion that even a good night’s sleep won’t fix.
You might notice it at night, when the room is quiet but your mind isn’t. You might notice it in the middle of the day when something catches your attention. A song, a smell, a situation, it taps into a memory and pulls you somewhere you didn’t expect to go. One moment you’re functioning and the next you’re trying to figure out what just happened.
Somewhere in all of that, a question tends to creep in. You ask yourself, “Am I doing this right.”
Bear with me on this one. You’re actually not doing this right. The reason you’re not doing this right is because grief isn’t something you can do correctly in the first place. There’s no right way, and there’s no wrong way. The more we question the process, the harder the process tends to hit.
The idea of the “7 stages of grief” can be helpful here, not as a checklist or a timeline, but as a way to put language to experiences that can otherwise feel chaotic and isolating. It’s a map. It’s not the terrain.
What Are The 7 Stages of Grief?
The 7 stages of grief are a framework used to describe common emotional responses people may experience after a loss.
They are:
Shock
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Testing (or Reconstruction
Acceptance
These stages aren’t meant to happen in order. Most people don’t move through them cleanly from one to the next. You might feel anger and denial at the same time. You might revisit depression months or years later. You might skip certain stages entirely.
The value of the model isn’t in predicting your path, it’s in helping you recognize that what you’re feeling has been felt by others too.
Where Did The 7 Stages of Grief Come From?
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross was a psychiatrist and author who changed the way we understand grief. In 1969 she wrote a book titled On Death and Dying. In that work, she described five stages. They were denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, and based on her observations of people who were terminally ill, not those grieving a loss.
Over time, the model was adapted and expanded in popular psychology, with some versions adding stages like shock and testing/reconstruction to better reflect the broader grieving experience.
That’s why you’ll sometimes see five stages, sometimes seven. Both versions are trying to do the same thing: give structure to something that, in reality, rarely behaves in a structured way.
The 7 Stages of Grief Explained
Each stage below carries its own texture. Some feel loud. Some feel like nothing at all. Reading through them, you may recognize yourself in several at once, or find that one rings true in a way that finally puts language to something you have been carrying without a name for it. That is the point. These are not instructions. They are descriptions. What follows is meant to make the internal feel a little less foreign.
Shock
Shock often shows up as numbness. You might feel like you’re moving through your day on autopilot. You’re answering texts, going to work, having conversations, all while a part of you hasn’t quite caught up to what happened. There can be a sense of disbelief, like your mind is saying, this can’t be real, even when you know it is. Shock isn’t avoidance. It’s protection. Your nervous system is pacing the impact so it doesn’t overwhelm you all at once.
Denial
Denial can be subtle.
It’s not always “this didn’t happen.” Sometimes it looks like continuing routines as if nothing has changed, expecting the person to walk through the door, or mentally placing the loss somewhere just out of reach.
You might find yourself thinking, I’ll call them later, or feeling surprised all over again when you remember. Denial is your mind’s way of giving you space to adjust. It lets reality in gradually, in doses you can tolerate.
Anger
Anger in grief doesn’t always make logical sense.
You might feel it toward doctors, family members, yourself, God, or even the person you lost. Or you might just feel a generalized irritability. Everything feels harder, louder, more frustrating.
There’s often a layer underneath anger that’s harder to sit with: helplessness. Anger is not a sign that something is wrong with you. It’s a sign that something mattered deeply and that you’re trying to make sense of a loss that doesn’t feel fair.
Bargaining
Bargaining tends to live in the “if only” space.
If only I had done something differently.
If only I had noticed sooner.
What if I had said this instead?
This stage is often filled with guilt and mental replaying. It can look like going over conversations, decisions, and moments, trying to find a version of events where the outcome changes. It can feel incredibly isolating, because these thoughts often stay internal. Bargaining is your mind trying to regain control in a situation where control is gone. It’s not a reflection of what you actually could have changed.
Depression
This stage often feels like heaviness.
Energy drops. Motivation fades. Things that used to matter don’t feel the same. Sleep and appetite can shift, either more or less. There can be a sense of withdrawal, like the world is still moving but you’re not quite part of it.
It’s important to say this carefully: grief-related depression is different from clinical depression, though they can overlap. Grief tends to come in waves and is tied to the loss. Clinical depression is more persistent and global.
It’s important to note that feeling this weight doesn’t mean you’re “getting worse.” It often means the reality of the loss is settling in more fully.
Testing / Reconstruction
At some point, small shifts begin to happen.
You might find moments where you laugh again. You might start re-engaging with routines, relationships, or responsibilities. There’s an attempt, often times with hesitancy, to rebuild some sense of normalcy.
And strangely, this can feel uncomfortable. Some people experience guilt here, like moving forward means leaving the person behind. Also important to note, re-engaging with life isn’t a betrayal. It’s a continuation that includes the loss. It doesn’t replace it.
Acceptance
Acceptance is often misunderstood.
It’s not about being “over it,” or feeling okay with what happened. It’s about recognizing the reality of the loss and beginning to live alongside it.
The grief doesn’t disappear. The size of the grief stays the same while the volume of the container it resides in expands. You’re able to take notice of all it encompasses, and still allow yourself to fill that container with all the other valued aspects of life.
You may still have difficult days. You may still miss them in ways that catch you off guard. But there’s also more space for other parts of your life to exist again.
Acceptance doesn’t mean the loss stops mattering. It means you’re learning how to carry it and relate to it in a different way.
Do People Really Go Through Grief in Stages?
Not in a clean or predictable way. In real clinical work, grief rarely looks like a sequence. It looks more like movement. Forward, backward, sideways, sometimes all at once. The expectation that it takes place in reliable sequence usually makes the process more difficult.
Someone might feel acceptance for weeks, then get hit with a wave of anger or sadness triggered by an anniversary, a place, or something unexpected. Another person might never identify with certain stages at all. That doesn’t have to be a problem either. The ways we understand and relate to the loss impact the presentation of the loss. How we’ve thought about loss, past experiences with loss, beliefs about how it “should” be handled, the expectations of others surrounding it, all of these variables play a role in how grief is experienced.
The stages model is helpful as a language tool, not a rulebook. It gives people a way to name what’s happening internally. They help to create a conceptual foundation when it feels like the whole structure has been destroyed. But it doesn’t define what “should” happen.
If anything, one of the most consistent patterns in grief is unpredictability. You’re not behind. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re responding to something that doesn’t follow a schedule.
What Grief Can Look Like in Real Life
Grief isn’t just emotional. It affects our bodies, minds, and choices.
You might notice:
• Difficulty concentrating or feeling mentally foggy
• Changes in sleep (sleeping too much or struggling to fall asleep)
• Appetite changes
• Irritability or low patience
• A sense of disconnection from others
• Moments of feeling completely fine followed by sudden overwhelm
And grief doesn’t only come from death. It can show up after divorce, estrangement, loss of identity, career changes, or any major shift that disrupts how you understood your life. A job you really wanted, a relationship you really wanted to work out, a way of seeing yourself that may not be in the cards. Making a left hand turn when you could have made a right.
That’s part of what makes grief so disorienting. It doesn’t always look the way we expect it to, or present itself in ways that make immediate sense to us.
When Grief Counseling May Help
Grief doesn’t require therapy, but there are times when grief counseling can make a meaningful difference.
You might consider talking to someone if:
• The grief feels “stuck” or not shifting over time
• Your ability to function day-to-day is significantly impacted
• Guilt, anxiety, or panic are intensifying
• Old losses are resurfacing in a way that feels overwhelming
• You feel alone in it, even when people are around you
At It Begins Within, we provide grief counseling across Tampa, St. Petersburg, and Sarasota who are navigating loss in all its forms, not to rush the process, but to help make sense of it and move through it with support.
Frequently Asked Questions About The Grief Process
Are there 5 or 7 stages of grief?
Both exist. The original model described five stages, and later versions expanded it to seven. Neither is more correct. They are just different ways of organizing similar experiences.
Do the stages of grief happen in order?
No. Most people move between stages, experience several at once, or revisit earlier ones. There is no fixed sequence.
How long do the stages of grief last?
There is no set timeline. Some feelings last days, others come and go over years. Grief tends to shift rather than end.
Are the stages of grief real?
They are real in the sense that many people recognize themselves in them. But they are not universal or required. Think of them as a framework, not a law.
What is the hardest stage of grief?
It varies. For some it is the heaviness of depression. For others it is the guilt in bargaining or the unpredictability of anger. Often the hardest part is not knowing what is coming next.
Can grief come back after you thought you were doing better?
Yes. This is very common. Anniversaries, memories, or unexpected triggers can bring grief back, even after long periods of stability.
When should I seek grief counseling?
If the grief feels overwhelming, isolating, or is significantly affecting your ability to function, it may help to talk to someone. You do not need to wait until things feel unbearable.
Is grief the same as depression?
Not exactly. Grief is tied to a specific loss and often comes in waves. Depression tends to be more persistent and less connected to a single event, though the two can overlap.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Andreas Balasis, LCSW-QS, CHP
Licensed Clinical Social Worker | Certified Hypnotherapy Practitioner | It Begins Within, St. Petersburg, FL
Andreas Balasis is a licensed clinical social worker and certified hypnotherapy practitioner at It Begins Within Therapy in St. Petersburg, Florida. He works with individuals navigating grief, identity, and the emotional complexity that follows major life changes. His approach draws from evidence-based frameworks including cognitive behavioral therapy and somatic-informed practice, with an emphasis on meeting clients where they are, not where they are supposed to be.
Andreas is one of a select group of nationally vetted therapists chosen by Dr. Mary Perleoni, founder and clinical director of It Begins Within Therapy. IBW serves individuals across Tampa, St. Petersburg, and Sarasota, with telehealth available statewide throughout Florida.
