The Ultimate Couples Therapy Workbook
Author: Dr. Mary Perleoni, Ph.D., LMHC
Published July 11, 2025
Strengthen Intimacy, Communication & Trust with Proven Tools
Created by licensed therapists at It Begins Within Healing Center
Why This Workbook?
Relationships are living, evolving systems. Like any living thing, they thrive when nurtured, understood, and tended with intention. Whether you're healing after a difficult conflict or simply want to deepen your connection, this workbook offers three transformative pillars of relationship healing, grounded in:
Gottman Method - Research-backed strategies for lasting relationship health
Emotionally Focused Therapy - Restoring emotional connection and safety
Imago Relationship Therapy - Understanding and healing childhood wounds reflected in your relationship
No therapist needed, just your willingness to show up, reflect, and practice. Together, we’ll explore exercises to build connection maps, repair conflict, deepen emotional safety, and foster empathy. One step at a time.
Build Your Connection Map
Goal: Deepen your understanding of your partner’s inner world—what lights them up, challenges them, and what they long for.
How to Use:
Take turns answering these questions out loud or journal your answers and share afterward. Listen with curiosity and without judgment.
Your 8-Point Connection Map
Dream Vacation
If you could escape anywhere for a perfect getaway, where would it be? What makes it special to you?
Ideal Day
Describe your perfect day from morning to night. What would you do, who would you be with, and how would you feel?
Pet Peeves
What little things frustrate you most? (The small irritations that can add up.)
Favorite Things
Share some of your favorites — food, color, music, movie, way to relax, career moment, or hobby.
Current Goals
What are your top 3 personal or professional goals right now? What motivates you to pursue them?
What I Want More Of
Is there something you wish you had more of in your life? (Could be time, connection, adventure, calm, etc.)
I’m Afraid Of…
Share something you feel afraid of or that makes you feel vulnerable.
A Moment I Felt Truly Seen or Proud Of
Recall a recent moment where you felt genuinely understood, appreciated, or proud of yourself.
Repair Your Conflict Patterns
Modalities: Gottman Method + EFT
Goal: Shift how you argue and repair disconnection
Unresolved conflict breeds resentment and distance. This exercise helps you identify your negative fight cycle and intentionally practice repair to restore closeness.
Step 1: Identify Your Conflict Style
What do you usually do in fights?
◻Withdraw or shut down
◻Criticize or blame (“You always…” statements)
◻Defend or justify immediately
◻Try to fix your partner too quickly
Step 2: Soften Your Startup
Replace harsh openings with gentle, honest statements:
“I feel _______ when _______ and I need ______.”
Examples:
“I feel overwhelmed about our finances and need reassurance that we’re in this together.”
“I feel lonely when you’re on your phone during dinner. I need some focused time with you.”
Step 3: Practice Repair Attempts
Choose one from these during or after a fight:
“I’m sorry I was unkind. Let’s try again.”
“That didn’t come out right—can I say it differently?”
“We both got defensive. Can we pause and reset?”
Check-In Afterward
The Emotional Safety Conversation
Modality: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Goal: Create safety by sharing vulnerability
Fights often mask deeper fears of disconnection. This exercise invites honest sharing to rebuild trust and emotional safety.
How to Use:
Take turns answering these prompts using “I” statements. Practice active, non-judgmental listening.
“When I feel disconnected from you, I worry that…”
“In those moments, I usually protect myself by…”
“What I truly need from you is…”
“When we feel close, I experience…”
Example Dialogue:
“When you don’t ask about my day, I worry I don’t matter. I usually withdraw, but really, I need to know you care and miss me.”
End with a “Reach”
Each offers one small emotional gesture to practice this week, e.g., a supportive text or a no-phones dinner.
Understanding Our Roots & Thorns
Modality: Imago Relationship Therapy
Goal: Understand how childhood experiences influence your relationship and build empathy through structured dialogue
Imago therapy teaches that many conflicts arise because partners unconsciously replay childhood wounds. Through gentle dialogue, couples can transform blame into connection and healing.
The Imago Dialogue: How to Practice
Step 1: Mirroring
Speaker shares a thought or feeling (e.g., “I felt hurt when…”). Listener repeats back exactly what was said, without judgment or interpretation.
Step 2: Validation
Listener acknowledges the speaker’s perspective as valid and understandable. Example: “That makes sense because…”
Step 3: Empathy
Listener expresses empathy for the speaker’s feelings. Example: “I can imagine that made you feel really alone.”
Try it Together:
Choose a recent conflict or difficult feeling. One partner shares for 2 minutes while the other mirrors, validates, and empathizes. Then switch roles.
Build Your Love Habits
Modality: Gottman Method
Goal: Build closeness through intentional, meaningful routines
Small daily rituals create ongoing intimacy. You don’t need grand gestures—just consistent, intentional moments.
Design 3 Weekly Rituals Together:
Morning Moments: How will you greet each day together?
Examples: A 30-second hug, coffee together, morning compliments.Evening Check-ins: How do you reconnect after the day?
Examples: Phone-free check-in, sharing one highlight, brief cuddle.Weekend Habits: How do you nurture fun and intimacy?
Examples: Sunday breakfast, shared hobby, gratitude walk.
Write these down, calendar them, and treat them as non-negotiable appointments.
30-Day Connection Challenge
How it works:
Pick one simple task per day for 30 days (or 15 days if short on time). Each takes less than 10 minutes. Track your progress with checkmarks.
Challenge Ideas:
◻Say one specific thing you appreciate about your partner
◻Hug for 20 seconds—no distractions
◻Ask, “What does love feel like to you today?”
◻Do something just to make them smile
◻Share a fear or vulnerability
◻Give a no-strings-attached compliment
◻Reminisce about your first date
◻Plan a mini surprise (note, coffee, playlist)
◻Watch a romantic or funny video together
◻Write a two-sentence love letter
Couples Check-In Template
Use weekly or monthly to keep communication open and growth on track.
Answer honestly and take turns listening without trying to fix.
One win in our relationship this week was…
One thing I appreciated about you was…
One thing I need more of is…
I feel closest to you when…
One area I’d like us to work on is…
Date your answers and revisit to celebrate progress.
What Reconnection Really Takes
Healing in relationships is gradual, gentle, and requires patience with yourself and your partner. This workbook isn’t a quick fix but a starting place for emotional safety, sustained intimacy, and lasting connection.
Want More?
A fuller, expanded workbook is coming soon (with over 25 exercises, communication guides, and insight-driven tools to deepen your connection).
Need help now? Book a couples session with It Begins Within Healing Center—serving Tampa, St. Pete, Sarasota & Florida.
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